39 Things Never Said By Southerners from Give Us Five Dollars.com

Hey, before you get caught up in this hilarious list we swiped from one of those obnoxious "Fwd:Fwd:Fwd" emails, have you considered how cool you'll be when you GIVE US FIVE DOLLARS? Cool isn't even the word. ULTRA-Cool. SUPER DUPER-Cool. TOO DARNED COOL TO BE COOL-Cool...Wow, look at you. When you pay us that fiver, you are gonna ooze so much Cool they'll have to defrost your monitor just so you can type!

40 Things Never Said By Southerners

40. Hey, all of you! Come over here!

39. Nope, no more for me. I'm drivin' tonight.

38. Duct tape won't fix that.

37. Lisa Marie was real lucky to catch Michael.

36. Come to think of it, I'll have a Heineken.

35. We don't keep firearms in this house.

34. Has anybody seen the sideburns trimmer?

33. You can't feed that to the dog.

32. I thought Graceland was tacky.

31. No kids in the back of the pickup, it's just not safe.

30. Wrasslin's fake.

29. Honey, did you mail that donation to Greenpeace?

28. We're vegetarians.

27. Do you think my gut is too big?

26. I'll have grapefruit and grapes instead of biscuits and gravy.

25. Honey, we don't need another dog.

24. Who's Richard Petty?

23. Give me the small bag of pork rinds.

22. Too many deer heads detract from the decor.

21. Spittin is such a nasty habit.

20. I just couldn't find a thing at Wal-Mart today.

19. Trim the fat off that steak.

18. Cappuccino tastes better than espresso.

17. The tires on that truck are too big.

16. I'll have the arugula and radicchio salad.

15. I've got it all on the C drive.

14. Unsweetened tea tastes better.

13. Would you like your salmon poached or broiled?

12. My fiancé, Bobbie Jo, is registered at Tiffany's.

11. I've got two cases of Zima for the Super Bowl.

10. Little Debbie snack cakes have too many fat grams.

09. Checkmate.

08. She's too young to be wearing a bikini.

07. Does the salad bar have bean sprouts?

06. Hey, here's an episode of "Hee Haw" that we haven't seen.

05. I don't have a favorite college team.

04. Be sure to bring my salad dressing on the side.

03. I believe you cooked those green beans too long.

02. Those shorts ought to be a little longer, Daisy.

and the number one thing never said by a Southerner:

01. I'll take Shakespeare for 1000, Alex.

Got any others to share? Email Us and we'll add them to the list!